Child Robbery
Today in Tinson Pen, Trelawny there has been a robbery. Cheif reporters are on the job. They report that over $20 in cash has been stolen from a victim of no more than 9 years old. The boy, Jonny said that he was reportedly biking down the lane to his house when supposedly was attacked by an angry mob of bandits. The boys quickly searched his pockets for any sort of legal tender. " I felt so violated!" said Jonny through sobs "Why couldn't they have just asked me nicely? , "what has this world come to?"
Jonny reportedly said he had called the nearby police in Morant Bay, St. Thomas and addressed the situation as an emergency but the police merely responded saying " When Young and Res'less finish, ye mon , we a come" and hung up the phone.
When later interrogated by the police the next morning jonny reportedly said " He couldn't see what the people looked like and couldn't tell how many there were. A nearby witness said that there were two 10 year old school boys who merely hid his glasses.
If you have any clue leading to the capture and arrest of these robbers. Please call CRIME STOP we don't care who you are, we don't want to know your name just tell us what you know. Rewards of up to $5 are being offered.
1-888 - 4000 - STOP
posted by Alisa @ 5:44 PM 1 comments
Critique:
First of all Tinson Pen isn't in Trelawny, I don't know where it is(I think it's in Kingston) but I definitley know it's not in Trelwny, you half-wit. And, I sure you most be talking about $20 US , cause if you haven't heard, my little American friend, $20 JA isn't that much, sure it can buy you 4 bag juices, but really, who's buying 4 bag juices unless it's scorching hot summer day. Really. Time must be really tough for his family to give him only $20 lunch money.
I highly doubt that the robbers actually sid legal tender, they don't evne know the meaning of legal! And what Jamaican boy you know would actually say, and I quote,
"I felt so violated!" "Why couldn't they have just asked me nicely? , "What has this world come to?"
Really, do you know any 9-year-old boy who rides a bicycle home and gets only $20 lunch money who even knows what the word violated means? Not to be stereotypical here,but come on! And don't cry, suck it up and take it like a man! It was only $20 for Pete's sake.
He later aclled the nearby police in Morant Bay, St. Thomas which is, may I remind you, HALFWAY ACROSS THE ISLAND! If that's the closest police station, no wonder our crime rate is so bad.
Anywho, the soap opra doesn't really match the time, if the robbery occured in the day, how come the police were watching Y&R when that only comes on at night. Unless they were watching it on CBS but I highly doubt they would have cable. On another note, we all know policemen love Bold & Beautiful, so that would have been better.
How couldn't Jonny see what they looked like or even have a clue how many there were, I mean, these are the type of things you look for when being robbed. Was he blind? I mean, I know they took of his glasses but was he that blind so he couldn't tell. Then the glasses weren't helping hima at all, after all, they're supposed to correct your vision...
It's odd how Jonny, who was the one being robbed, couldn't tell, but a nearby witness could. But if the witness was so 'nearby' couldn't he have tried to save Jonny, or maybe he was watching a nine-year0old get beat down for his own sick amusement. Whatever the case, I find this odd.
Maybe the witness was in on it too, and maybe since Jonny has no recollection of what the robbers looked like, the so called 'witness' used this opportunity to frame two ten-year-old boys.
And $5 isn't a worthy award for information, for Pet's sake it, it's $10 a minute to make a freaking call! Who's gonna say "Wow $5, I so want that!"
And last but not least, 1-800-4000-STOP is a 8-digit number(excluding the 1-800) and everyone knows you can only have seven digit numbers. Overall, the story has a good base, but when analyzed, the themes don't really connect. Good for a beginner, though.
Can't wait for your next story, I hope it's better.
Rating: 3/5 stars.
2 comments:
1. You don't think I know where damn Tinson Pen is of course I do I put it there for laughs.
2.If the boy has $20 for lunch money , what does that tell you?, The poor family is broke. Maybe he was the rich one in his community , hence it being a big deal.
3.You double typed , the paragraph what says "Really,do you know ant 9-year..." is there twice.
4.I took up your joke for the Police watching soaps. And that was to demonstrate why our crime rate WAS so bad.
5.When there is a number with more than 7 digits the numbers after the 7th are irrelivant but to make the number easy to remember they put the whole word so instead of 4000 - STO - they put p to make it easier to remember.
*** A beginner , I don't see you doing any...
Funny, very funny comment, but I don't need to write any cause I'm writing a novel, are you, little miss thing?
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